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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23448577">Noon as Dark as Midnight</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idkcouldbe/pseuds/Idkcouldbe'>Idkcouldbe</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Star Wars - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Adopted Sibling Incest, Adoption, Brother-Sister Relationships, Child Abuse, Dark, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, F/M, Grooming, MIND THE TAGS!, Mild Hux and Rey, Rape/Non-con Elements, Some Ben and Hux maybe?, Underage Sex, Virgin Kylo Ren, Virgin Rey (Star Wars), but Hux is not the main focus, take care of yourself too, why am i writing this</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:01:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con, Underage</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,661</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23448577</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Idkcouldbe/pseuds/Idkcouldbe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Rey is adopted when she is young and grows up in the Solo-Organa home. No family is perfect, she knows this first-hand; however, no one told her having an adopted brother would be quite like this.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is a dark fic with uncomfortable elements.<br/>If this is hard to read, please don’t feel like you have to. Mind the tags and take care of yourself!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>I was six years old when I was adopted.</p><p>It was the mid '90s, and I remember the smell of the school library, the OJ Simpson trial on the heavy, small TVs perched on black roller carts. <br/>
<br/>
I'd gone from one foster home to another for a few months. Change was something inevitable, something I could depend upon.</p><p>Ms. Kanata picked me up after school, standing by the heavy metal doors that clattered loudly against the rush of bodies escaping into crisp, fall air. </p><p>She was older, her impassive face giving a small tug at the corner of her mouth, light crinkles around her eyes--a tell that she had good news. </p><p>She didn't greet me beyond falling into step as we paced down the worn sidewalk, away from the groups of kids lining up for buses or waiting for their parents. </p><p>I made out her car in the parking lot, the maroon sedan glinting enough to make me shield my eyes as I turned to peer up at her.</p><p>"You've been adopted," she said without preamble, her eyes watching my face, expectant. I felt myself fidget, my backpack swaying as I shifted from foot to foot. My stomach hurt.</p><p>She was watching me as I tried to read her eyes, looking for clues on what my reaction was supposed to be. Her smile faded, letting me know I'd failed. I'd have to learn to be better at this. Adopted meant I wouldn't be sent to a new family to start over when they realized I wasn't worth the effort and became disappointed. </p><p> </p>
<hr/><p>Ms. Kanata explained the details as we sat on the grimy yellow bench outside McDonald's. My nose was running. I picked cheese off the burger wrapper as she told me the names of the people who were to be my new family--Leia, Han, and Ben, their 11 year old son. I nodded along. I'd met older boys in foster care. They were best avoided.</p><p>I sat shivering in my flannel jacket as Ms. Kanata ran through her usual Social Worker checklist: <em>How are you feeling? It's okay to be nervous. This is a lot of change. It will take time before this feels normal. </em></p><p>I'd done this enough times to know how to respond, smiling and humming and looking up with wide eyes until Ms. Kanata's face lightened. She was pleased that I said I was happy with my new arrangement. How I really felt didn't matter--what was important was that I played along well enough to stop being asked about my feelings. </p>
<hr/><p>Friday after school Ms. Kanata delivered me to the Solo-Organa home. It was just on the skirt of town and Ms. Kanata reassured me that the bus would still be able to pick me up for school come Monday morning. </p><p>The house was large and stark against the ocher of autumn trees that lined the property. There was a swing set and tree house on the hill that slopped down to the forested area. It looked something from a sitcom: perfect and clean and unreal. </p><p>I took a deep breath and slung my backpack over my shoulders while Ms. Kanata pulled my suitcase from her trunk. She lead me up the hedged path to the house's entry, where Leia and Han stood with Ben between them. Leia and Han both had those tight smiles that didn't match their eyes, looking like they might almost be as uncomfortable as I felt. I tried to make sure my smile was more convincing.</p><p>Ben, despite being 11, stood tall between his parents. He didn't pretend to smile; his dark eyes watched me impassively as I approached, as if he had reason to be wary. For all I knew, maybe he did. I was imposing on his perfect life, after all. </p><p>Leia knelt to look me in the eyes as she talked about how happy she was to have me here and how she hopes this will feel like my home soon. It's a nice sentiment. I smile back, nodding in agreement. I hope that, too, though this isn't anything I haven't heard before. The permanence still made my stomach hurt. </p><p>I'm lead to a large living room: beige carpet, beige couches, beige curtains. The adults stand and talk, discussing paperwork, deadlines, insurance. </p><p>Ben huffed as he laid himself back on a couch, his attention focused on the GameBoy that pinged noisily in his hands. </p><p>"What are you playing?" I venture. Boys always seem to want to talk about their video games. He mumbled something about a Donkey, eyes never leaving the screen, fingers smashing buttons, and I go back to standing silently on the cream carpet. </p><p>The grownups stopped talking and Ms. Kanata crouched next to me, her hands on my shoulders. </p><p>"You can always call me," she said in a low voice, like it's a secret. Am I supposed to want to call her? What would I call her about? Before I can infer more from her face, she pulled me in for a hug. It's stiff and she smelled like hairspray, but it felt nice to be touched. Warm. I hugged her back. </p><p>She said her goodbyes to Leia and Han, waved to Ben, and then she was gone. I was still standing in the middle of the room, my backpack feeling heavy, as three sets of eyes stared back. We were frozen for a moment, as if suspended in disbelief, before Leia picked up my suitcase and encouraged me to follow her to what will be my room. </p><p>This was the first day with my forever family. </p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>CW: sexual molestation between minors</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Time moves forward, fall slips to winter, and I find myself getting used to routines.</p>
<p>Every night I eat a hot dinner at a large oak table. I set the table, putting out paper napkins and heavy plates. </p>
<p>Han regales me stories of his youth while Leia looks on with indulgent exasperation. They ask me about my day. I grow so accustomed to it I’m almost excited to share.</p>
<p>Ben regards me the same way he always has, a scowl visible through his dark mop of hair. He sulks, looking like a bigger version of the kids in my class when they’re sent to time out. He doesn’t say much to me. Maybe he hates me. I try to avoid him.</p><hr/>
<p>School is easy enough. It’s always been my escape. Teachers were less likely to ask me questions about my clothes and my family if my grades were good. It was nice to be told I was good at something. </p>
<p>It was Ben’s last year sharing the same bus as me. He never sat near me. One Thursday as I tried to read on the bumpy ride, I felt my back grow damp. I turned in my seat, realizing there was water pooling between my flannel jacket and backpack. </p>
<p>Jess held her purple water bottle upside down, the last of its water dripping from the plastic lid. “Oops,” she grinned, and my thoughts floundered through scenarios where this could somehow be a mistake. The two girls next to her giggled, and I felt my face grow hot as anger surged through my veins. She’d done this on purpose. Why?</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry,” she drawled, leaning back in her seat with a dramatic pout. I felt paralyzed with indecision, unsure how I was meant to respond. All I could feel was a desire to hurt her the way she'd hurt me, the impulse fanned hotter by their teasing stares.</p>
<p>"You're so dumb, Jess," I felt the words tumble out before I could think. It was a mean thing to say, that much I knew. I'd heard the teacher pull her aside more than once to go over Jess' homework. I'd landed a blow with my words, and felt stronger as I watched the cruel grin slide from her face.</p>
<p>"At least I'm not a charity case. That's what my mom calls you. The Organa's new charity case." Jess isn't smiling, not exactly, yet she looks relieved, triumphant. I'm not exactly sure what charity case means, but I have an idea, and the way she says it makes me want to lunge, maybe grab her hair, pull her--</p>
<p>Before I can react, I feel my seat dip with weight. Ben is looking down at Jess now, using that imposing height and glower on her. He scares me. I hope he scares Jess more.</p>
<p>"Shut the hell up, Jess. Your mom doesn't know anything, and neither do you." His voice is low. He waits for her to challenge him, and when she huffs whatever under her breath, he must be satisfied none will come. He sits next to me, facing forward now, his eyes deliberately set ahead.</p>
<p>I watch his face for a moment.</p>
<p>"Thank you," I whisper, afraid to speak louder, afraid he'll turn that anger to me. He doesn't respond, but his knuckles whiten as he clenches his fists against his thighs. I lean my face against my hand, staring out the window at the muddy ground as it passes by. My jacket is wet and cold but I'm still sweating from adrenaline and shame.</p><hr/>
<p> </p>
<p>I start to make friends. Kaydel is a girl that lives a few streets away but is in my grade. I hear Leia mention something about her home being on the wrong side of the tracks but Leia mostly seems happy that I'm "adjusting." Adjusting must mean something like fitting in, and I'm starting to agree. It feels like I might have a place here in this world of perfect houses and regular schools.</p><hr/>
<p>Summer comes, and I feel the anxious energy to get outside and run. Kaydel invites me over to play some days. Some days Kaydel's mom isn't home. Some days her mom never leaves the bedroom. I don't tell Leia about this, but I do make sure I call Leia to check in as she requested. She made it a point that I memorize our telephone number.</p>
<p>Kaydel has an older brother, Hux. Hux seems to share Ben's affinity for video games and looking annoyed. These must be the traits that keep Ben and Hux friends.</p>
<p>One especially hot day, Leia agreed to drop Ben and me off at Kaydel's for a few hours. Ben seems irritated that he might be seen with me at all.</p>
<p>Like normal, Kaydel's mother isn't home, and we have the house to ourselves. Kaydel and I shoot at ducks on the small tv in Kaydel's mom's room before we become bored enough to see what the boys are up to.</p>
<p>We walk down to the basement and find them sprawled along the worn couches, each with a GameBoy in hand. They stop talking when they hear us come down the stairs.</p>
<p>"Hux, we're bored," Kaydel whines at him, leaning over the arm of the couch to see his screen. He doesn't look up at her.</p>
<p>"Not my problem," he sniffs, his wrists moving in time with his thumbs to keep jabbing at the buttons.</p>
<p>"We should play a game together!" Kaydel tries again, exaggerating the excitement in her voice in hopes of reeling him in.</p>
<p>"Fine," Hux huffs. "Let's play hide and seek. You guys go hide, and we'll come find you." At this he grins at Ben, whose only response is a roll of his eyes.</p>
<p>"Last time you said that, you never came to find me and was hiding for two hours!" Kaydel accused.</p>
<p>"It was not two hours," Hux grumbles, finally pausing his game and sitting up. "Really. Go hide, we'll come find you."</p>
<p>"Do you promise?"</p>
<p>"Yes," Hux sighs.</p>
<p>I see Ben also sit up and set down his game. He stares at me a moment, his face unreadable. Then Hux begins counting down from 40, and Kaydel and I scramble up the stairs, laughing, as we rush for a spot to hide.</p>
<p>Hux keeps his word, and we play a few rounds until Hux suggests we play on teams. He'll pair with me, and Ben with Kaydel. Kaydel giggles while Ben rolls his eyes but he doesn't protest.</p>
<p>I hear Ben counting down as Hux leads me to his mom's room. I'm not used to hiding with another person but I try to think of spots where we both can fit.</p>
<p>"Here," he says, patting the bed after he draws back the comforter.</p>
<p>"That's too easy," I protest, but he shakes his head.</p>
<p>"Nah, it'll take them forever to find us. Trust me."</p>
<p>I feel uncomfortable but I'm not sure why. And without a reason to say no, I don't protest, afraid I'll ruin everyone’s fun.</p>
<p>I climb onto the mattress under Hux’s outstretched arm holding up the comforter. He settles it over our heads, then I feel his arm snake around my stomach to pull me close to him.</p>
<p>"We need to look smaller," he whispers against the side of my face, his breath catching humid in my hair. My heart is hammering with panic and yet I still can't name what's wrong.</p>
<p>His fingers splay wide, pinky resting against the hem of my spandex pants and his thumb nervously rubbing against my ribs. We lay still, our breaths short to keep quiet. I feel him nuzzle against my neck while he pushes his hips against my butt. His jeans are rough but it's not only the material I feel against my backside. I know enough of male anatomy to know his penis is pushing against me.</p>
<p>The realization makes my heart pick up its already accelerated pace, my pulse pounding so loudly I wouldn't be able to hear if someone were searching for us nearby. I feel his breaths come out a little harsher as the hand against my stomach starts to drift up, cupping over my chest. He squeezes his ring and middle finger over my nipple, and I gasp at the pain. Why is he pinching me? But my squirming only results in him drawing that hand lower, pulling me back against his crotch to press his hardness more fully against me.</p>
<p>It's so warm under the comforter that I feel a little short of breath, my skin sticky and my hair damp with sweat. I think his lips graze over my neck but I'm not sure. I'm still trying to pretend this is just a game of hide-and-seek, that I will look back at this and realize I was twisting it into something it isn't. And yet, as his fingers begin to descend between my thighs, I feel weighed down with anxiety again. Anxiety, and a hefty dose of shame, as I realize this sort of feels good. I find myself almost excited, half hoping he'll stop, half hoping he'll rub that spot that I know makes me feel good.</p>
<p>Before I can find out what that might feel like, the comforter is ripped off our bodies from the end of the bed. Ben is staring at us, his scowl imposing, accusatory. I'm terrified, knowing I've been caught doing something I shouldn't, but not sure how to begin to tell him. Not sure if I even should. I know Hux is his friend. I've seen what telling people about these kinds of secrets does to relationships.</p>
<p>As soon as I regain the ability to speak, Ben says, "Mom's here." </p>
<p>His tone is hard. His eyes are on Hux. I'm not sure what to make of this interaction but I fling my legs over the edge of the bed and scramble to Kaydel's room to grab my backpack before heading to the door.</p>
<p>Ben follows behind me, glowering but silent.</p>
<p>We climb into Leia's car, my stomach in knots. I'm sure he's going to mention this to her, that I'll be the bad foster kid again, except this time it's worse--I can't just be sent somewhere new. This is my <em>forever home</em>, the words tumbling into my head in Ms. Kanata's voice.</p>
<p>Ben doesn't bring it up to Leia. In fact, he never mentions it at all. </p>
<p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Anxiety gnaws at my stomach for days.</p><p>I don't like waiting.</p><p>I expect to walk into a conversation between Ben and Leia about what happened with Hux, Ben's eyes full of vengeful satisfaction while Leia looks on with disgusted horror, but it never comes. Leia's behavior seems the same as always: affectionate and happy and distracted.</p><p>Ben's behavior, however, does change. After the anger I'd seen on his face at Hux's body wrapped around mine, I thought he'd set out to torment me. Instead, his scowls have softened. He's even smiled at me a few times. I have no idea what to think of the transition in his demeanor except that it's both warming and frightening. I can't tell if it's a ploy to hurt me when I least expect it, similar but different from Jess' fake sweetness: no one expects a viper's lash from a bunny.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> <br/><br/></span></p><hr/><p>Summer carries on. We do family outings, like days at the pool, picnics, parks, hikes. These are all new experiences for me. I don't share this, and try to hide my excitement.</p><p>I like the way hiking trails smell, the air heavy with earth and damp leaves. I like the way Ben walks next to me, falling in line behind Han as I follow behind Leia. We resemble a proper family, I think.</p><p>The local pool belongs to our neighborhood alone, meaning it's never crammed too full of bony-limbed kids holding half melted ice-creams or wailing babies. A few women in plastic lounge chairs line the deep end, their skin pink under the sun. Men take turns showing off their diving skills from the single high dive while others toss plastic balls for kids to scramble after.</p><p>I've never taken swimming lessons. Leia reassures me that next year I can start but in the meantime I can stay in the shallow end. I eye that side of the pool, toddlers in yellow arm bands floating while their mothers stand around gossiping. Shame pricks my eyes and feel my face get hot: the few kids here my age are jumping into the deeper parts. I will be alone with the babies.</p><p>Instead of being humiliated, I throw my towel on a chair and lay down to read a book while the sun warms my bones. I'm wearing a bathing suit--I've never had one before. It's black and white in uneven stripes. Later I find out that I tan under the white bits, my pale skin awkwardly lined across my abdomen. It rides up my butt but I know better than to ungracefully pull all it, having already earned a disapproving sigh from Leia for it once.</p><p>I lounge long enough to feel hot and roll to my stomach, still absorbed in my book. I sense Ben's presence first by the cold pool water dripping from his skin to mine.</p><p>"Hey," I complain, swiping droplets from the page of my book.</p><p>"What you reading?" Ben asks, making a show of shaking his hair as he towels himself off, still standing beside me while I'm sprawled along the chair. The plastic straps have started digging into my ribs.</p><p>"Nothing you'd like," I reply in an attempt to annoy him so he doesn't find out I'm reading a book for class. Ben makes no secret of his disdain for school.</p><p>My barb goes unnoticed. I look up to his face, sure he's about to do something to rile me up, but instead I see his eyes aren't distant with contemplation but instead fixed on my rear. My skin warms when I realize my bottoms have ridden up again. I squirm, unsure what I should do. Then I'm frozen as I feel Ben's wet hair brush my face as he leans down.</p><p>"I like your bathing suit, Rey," his hushed compliment makes my stomach knot.</p><p>I study the words on the page in front of me, not knowing what else to do. His fingers, so soft I almost feel I made it up, skim my arm, shoulder, and back, stilling a moment at the hem of my suit, as he stands to walk back to the pool. I don't turn to watch him. I stare at my book, unable to focus on the words, until Leia collects me to change and we all return home.</p><hr/><p>That night, when the lights are all out and everyone sounds like they're in their rooms, I fish out an old stuffy. It's a worn bear I've had since before I can remember. I'm not sure where it came from, but I do know that when I rub on it a certain way it makes me feel good. The bear's nose is worn and his fur is matted.</p><p>I slide from my bed and sprawl out on the floor. It's quieter this way. I shift the bear under my hips and rock against it. It's soothing, comforting. The pressure builds quickly--I haven't done this in a long time. I try to keep my breaths quiet as my heart beat speeds in my chest.</p><p>Feels good. I think of the hot sun on my skin, the smell of trees, the way Ben's fingers felt on me. That thought sends electricity jolting from where the bear's nose roughly rubs, spreading heat through my body until I tense up, lost in the sensation. My vision blurs, the muscles in my stomach so tight it nearly makes me feel sick.</p><p>It passes and my body relaxes. I feel sleepy. I take a deep breath and pull my weight up through my arms when I see something from the corner of my eye.</p><p>My door is cracked open. I freeze long enough for my eyes to adjust to the dark of the doorway. I barely hear the intake of breath when I spot Ben. He holds my stare for a moment before he silently slips back into the blackness of the hall.</p>
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